sexism

Up until yesterday I would have said that I have never really been discriminated against, or exposed to sexism. Sexual harrassment - yes, stupid sexist jokes that were designed to sound sexist to annoy me - yes, but sexism itself... no!

My husband and I are equals in our relationship - different, but equal. When he is home he helps me with housework, and there are no tasks that he refuses to do (although we do tend to delegate tasks according to our strengths which do have a tendency towards traditional gender roles... anything fiddly such as handyman stuff and chopping vegetables nicely he does because I have no fine motor skills, anything involving bad smells such as bins, dirty nappies and vomiting kids he does because he has a strong stomach, and he does the lawns because he is physically stronger than me). I have never been denied opportunities based on my gender in my education or in my workplace.

But... yesterday when reading my uni readings on sexism I suddenly realised that I HAVE been exposed to sexism in my life, but it was so subtle that I had never noticed it!!!

One of the aspects of sexism that often goes unnoticed is... stereotyping.

Now I'm not going so far to say it is discrimination to have a "general" stereotype of males and females... the reality is that men do have higher levels of testosterone, women have higher levels of oestrogen... and hormones do effect behaviour! But... when we frown upon behaviour that does NOT fit into our stereotype of a man or a woman, that is the point where it does cross into sexism!

Women tend to be viewed as emotional, empathetic, warm, caring and relational. All good qualities to have, and there is nothing wrong with being all those things! But... what about women that do not tick all those boxes???

I have always been very firm in my beliefs and opinions - not stupidly, I have always had a logic and thought process behind them... yet I have always found that when I express them with such conviction that the vast majority of people do not react well and are intimidated by this. I have been told that I should express them differently or even keep them to myself, and felt a very strong sense of that being a bad quality that I have. The thing is that yesterday I realised that I have seen this same quality in plenty of guys out there, but in them it is considered acceptable, and I suspect that it all comes down to stereotypes. Guys are seen to be 'leaders' and are not expected to show the same delicacy as women to people's feelings... they are permitted by our society to be relatively blunt and argue their beliefs... whereas for women it is not looked as favourably upon. Not intentionally - but a prejudice there exists!

Another thing I have always felt strange about myself is that where most women hear some trouble that another person is going through and have that want to be there for them, and be caring and compassionate and hug them... and well stuff along those lines... I don't feel that way at all!!! It isn't that I don't care, it is just that I am able to stay objective and not get caught up in someone else's pain, and focus more on what changes could be made to minimise the impact of that situation... another typical 'male' stereotype trait.

Anyway, I found it a fascinating concept!!! I have always been aware that although I still have plenty in common with other women, that I have never felt completely the same, I think slightly differently, I speak more directly than many other women... I'm not any less of a woman than other women, I just am not 'stereotypically' conformed to the woman concept! And as a result I have had subtle pressure put on me to conform a bit more - which I can't because who I am is so deeply ingrained that I cannot conform! And those very aspects of me that can upset some people, are the very aspects that will help me to excel in my career in time!!!

This is not just a rant about "female" sexism, because I have seen the same things happen to males - if a guy is too talkative, too sensitive etc etc he is automatically labelled 'gay' because he doesn't fit the 'typical male stereotype'. Sexual orientation and stereotypicalness are not the same thing!

A quote from my text book that isn't quite 100% related, but too good to exclude...

"People may need to stigmatise groups that have different world views from their own, because if they did not degrade and discredit outgroups in this way then the frail sense of certainty in, and controllability over, life that they gain from their own world view would be shattered."