I know that they are both too young to read this yet and it will be many years before I give this letter to them... But it was on my heart and I am hoping by sharing this it will be an encouragement to other parents too...
To my daughters Chloe Renee & Sienna Elise,
It is a sunny winter's day and right now you are playing with your brother at being pirates, although sienna you are apparently a mermaid pirate because being a pirate doesn't appeal to you. I can hear plenty of "aaaarh" and plenty of fighting too as you sail on your boat made of chairs and the broom handle with pj shorts as a flag, with the paper treasure map you created together and pirate hats (and tied up blankets) on your heads. And as you play together so nicely I wonder about the future, and about the young ladies you are now, and the young women you will be in the future, and I wanted to write you a letter for one day when you both begin the transition from girlhood to womanhood.
My beautiful girls, I want you to know first off how much you are loved and cherished by your dad and I, and how incredibly proud we already are of you both. Even at this young age you bring us so much joy, you both have your own unique place in our hearts for forever. I wish things could stay exactly like they are right now always and that I could guard you from every negative influence there is out there, but I know that you are going to need to grow and learn how to face tough times, negative influences and learn things for yourselves so that you can grow to be strong mature and capable women yourselves... But oh how I wish I could shelter you forever!!!!
My daughters, this world is going to try to sell you short. As women this world will try to teach you that your worth is measured completely by how "hot" you are, that your value as a woman is solely defined by how much you are desired by men, by your appearance. This world will make you feel at times that your intelligence, your views, your inner strength, your heart and compassion for others, your abilities in a profession, and the many other strengths you have are worth nothing in comparison to looking and behaving a certain way - that certain way in actual fact being nothing other than degrading who you are as a woman. By the time you enter adulthood you will have been exposed to thousands of advertisements, music videos, magazine images, Internet sites, movies, tv shows, and the like that will present you with images of women who are the "ideal", images of women whose lives revolve completely around looking a certain way, and even then have "required" airbrushing to be "presentable".
I want you to know that your value is not at all tied up in the way you appear. I know there will be many days where you will struggle to believe in yourself, but I want you to know that there is no one else out there who can be the person you are - your personality, experiences, giftings, strengths, even your weaknesses, all work together to create you - and no one else can bring the same perspective as you do. When you get to the end of your life there will be people whose lives you have touched and changed in ways that no one else could have. There will be new things that you have created that no one else could have. There will be new ideas, new vision, new insights that only you could have brought. There will be so many people who are grateful for the presence you had in their life. Youth and beauty will fade, and when you die no one will reflect on how you appeared, what will last is WHO you were, what you can pass on to future generations is far greater than a couple of beauty tips.
I know there will also be days when you will fear that unless you look and behave a certain way you will not find a man who will love you. Totally not true. Any man who needs you to look a certain way in order to love you does not deserve you. The only man who deserves to marry you is the one who loves and values you for WHO you are, not how you appear. And while at times it will feel like there are no men out there like that, as a mother I have watched many friends bringing up sons who I know are learning that there are more important things to a woman than her appearance... Don't let fear cause you to settle for less than you are worth, hang in there for one of those men who have been brought up to value a woman for who she is. One of the wisest pieces of advise I was given as a young woman was that if I use my body to attract a man, I will attract a man who cares about my body. If instead I allow the person I am, and my character, to be the attributes that stand out, I will attract a man who cares about who I am.
Remember that I will always be here for you, always believe in you, and always fight for you. I love you both so much.
