sexualisation of women

It really breaks my heart to see that so many young girls/women think that in order to be considered beautiful they need to pose in a sexualised way, sometimes in minimal clothing, lingerie, or nothing at all. I have watched as so many girls that I have thought of as little sisters over the years have put images up of themselves that have horrified me because all I can think of is that not only are they potentially going to attract predators, but they also obviously believe on some level that they will only ever find love through sex.


Don't try to tell me that the media has NOT impacted the development of young viewers because it pretty friggen clear that there is an entire generation of young women who think that to be somebody they need to be a sex icon. How badly have we failed our young women and young men - sex sells in advertising, but it has sold far more than a product, it has sold out our children and our youth. And it isn’t the minority of young women who are selling themselves out, just a quick look around on facebook and you realise how prevalent it is, and how YOUNG some of these girls are!

I probably just sound like a prude and an “out of date, need to keep up with the times” person to some of you... but you know what?? This is NOT what I want for MY daughters.

I want my daughters to know that they are BEAUTIFUL, not merely sexy. I want my daughters to know that they are intelligent, of value, creative, precious, vivacious, fascinating (I use this word in a NON-SEXUAL manner), compassionate, loving - and that in knowing their worth they will never feel the only chance they have of attracting a man is to cheapen their sexuality. A man who needs to see that first to be attracted to them has no right to my daughters and cannot offer them the kind of home I want them to have because he will have missed their FINEST assets – themselves!!

And I DON’T want this for my son either!!!

I’m so fed up with having to constantly filter what comes through our home because EVERYTHING is sexualised now!! I do NOT want my son to think that the only satisfaction he can have in life is found in sex – it’s a lie and it is degrading to him and to women. I want him to know what it is like to love a woman because he respects who she is, not because he wants her for sex.

And it is getting harder and harder for me to protect my children.

Anyway, enough of my thoughts... if you want to read some research for yourself rather than hear me drone on and on... read the following...

http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/cgi/content/abstract/116/1/S1/303
http://forums.newspeakdictionary.com/img/Inadvertent_exposure_to_porn.pdf
http://www.aph.gov.au/Senate/committee/eca_ctte/sexualisation_of_children/gov_response/gov_response.pdf
http://books.google.com.au/books?hl=en&lr=&id=y3ZLN1jcpngC&oi=fnd&pg=PR7&dq=statistics+impact+advertising+sexual+children&ots=km_vaoDdvB&sig=DuUVFk7SDTPr0mlBPdWAXJBQaW4#v=onepage&q&f=false
http://muse.jhu.edu/login?uri=/journals/asr/v001/1.1pollay.html

it's healthy for mums to do things differently!!

So, before I start this blog I should write a disclaimer to make it 100% clear that I am NOT talking about situations where children are abused or neglected or put in an unsafe situation!!! I strongly believe that a parent's job is to protect and nurture their children, and do NOT endorse or support and parents' decision to do otherwise!!!

Why is it that as soon as a mother is pregnant we feel we need to start pushing our ideas of what a "perfect" parent is on her? And the questions we ask as soon as they give birth... Was it a natural delivery? She didn't have PAIN RELIEF did she? She is breastfeeding isn't she? And the killer... how does she look? (AKA please tell me she looks fat and flabby still).

We then move on to sleeping through competitions, happy baby competitions, work vs stay-at-home mum debates, bf vs bottle competitions, how long we bf for, dummy vs no dummy, parenting styles, smacking vs timeout vs distraction vs all the other styles of discipline (or in some cases "not disciplining"), kinder/school vs homeschooling, and omg I could keep listing them.

So why do we as parents... ok, so to be more specific given I've never heard a male talk about this topic ever... MOTHERS... why do we feel we have a right to judge other's for their parenting styles, and assume that OUR way is the ONLY way and the BEST way for all?!!!!!

Do you know what? Being a mum is a TOUGH GIG no matter how you approach it!!

And do you know what else? Shock horror... I couldn't give a stuff HOW a mother delivers her baby, as long as the baby makes it there safe and healthy!!! I'll admit if u find a completely pain-free, scar-free quick and easy method for delivery I'll be jealous!! But if not, then whether u have your baby as a "normal" vaginal delivery, or via c-section, or are induced, or have pain relief, or don't have pain relief... is up to you, I couldn't care less, it is YOUR baby? And I don't at all understand why some people think it is a big deal??

And as for breast vs bottle - YES breast is a healthier option for a baby... but ultimately, sometimes it is not an option... and formula these days is not so bad that your baby is going to be neglected or die or be malnourished for life or something!! So again, I think it is no-one else's business!!!

And working vs stay-at-home - AGAIN... none of my business! No1 has the right to decide that their method is best for somebody else's situation. Being a stay-at-home mum is a tough gig, but so is being a working mum. Both have it tough, both have to weigh up and balance the pros and cons, both have to work hard... but good kids can come out of both situations provided the parents have a strong commitment to loving and supporting their children!!

We all bring a unique outlook and style and methods to our own unique family.... how about instead of criticising and judging each other, we just accept that at the end of the day - if a mother loves her child and is trying to choose what she believes is best for her child - THAT is all that matters!! And our world is better off for not spitting out little carbon copy children - if we all did the EXACT same thing, our kids would not be as amazingly unique as they are!!

So next time you see a mum parenting differently to you, shut your mouth and smile!!

"christian values" in the upcoming election...

Ok... so what I have to say is probably highly controversial and will probably offend many out there, but meh... it's MY blog so MY opinions!

So with the election coming up there are a lot of different opinions on how one should vote... and one of the things that has been put together is a table of "Christian" values on which party believes what to help us make a "Christian" decision in regards to our countries leader.
Now don't get me wrong... I am not saying that what is on that table is unimportant and not worth considering when making a decision in regards to our countries future. I am all for freedom of speech, protecting our environment, giving parents freedom of choice in their child's education etc etc.
What concerned me is that this list of "Christian" values mostly consisted of what concerns... well... Christians!! I could be wrong, I don't know the entire bible off by heart... but... my understanding of Jesus wasn't that he thought we should fight for our morals and that is our focus here on earth, and we should force those morals on all and that this is what he has called us to do... I kind of got the impression he kind of left that for the Pharisees and that his focus was grace, and reaching out to the poor, helpless and oppressed. Yet... I didn't see on that list of "Christian" values details on which party has the best policies on mental health, on those living beneath the poverty line, on giving financial and practical aid to those in other countries who so desperately rely on their richer neighbours for support, on breaching the gap in health etc with our Indigenous population, on supporting widows, single mothers, the many children within our foster system, on the growing homeless population and so and so on... and that really concerned me!!!
Anyway, I just couldn't let it go by, I had to say something because it seemed to me that many Christians could end up casting their votes based on "Christian" values... but not necessarily "Jesus" values.
So.... can I encourage you... do some research and dig a little deeper into our candidates policies and make sure that we don't turn our nose up at a political candidate who may have fewer "Christian" values but more "Jesus" values.

Dear General Public: Yes, Sienna is a little doll. Yes, she does give beautiful smiles!!! Yes, Josh is a little character and full of life, yes he does have white blonde hair etc etc. But before you move on you've missed someone... and it's a very special little someone who does notice that between her brother's antics and her baby sister's babyness that she does get overlooked whenever we are out and about... and so I want to make sure I introduce and make sure everyone in my online world at least gets to stop and have a good look at my beautiful first born daughter - Chloe Renee Devenish.

In just one day Chloe can be a princess, a beautiful ballerina, a fairy, a mummy, a mean girl being mean to the sisters, a fireman, a doctor and so on... she has the most vivid imagination!! At times I wonder if she is aware of the line between reality and imaginary worlds she slips so easily in between the two. She puts on fantastic voices, although I cringe when I hear the mummy telling off the kids voice... I hope I don't REALLY sound like that! The storylines to her make believe worlds are fascinating... the main theme seems to be someone being mean to others and the others feeling sad about it and so her favourite character says "oh" really sadly to comfort them... not surprising really because so far Chloe has shown herself to be the most empathetic of my children. She can't bear to see someone upset and is very sensitive to boys or other kids being rough or mean to one another... you can hear in her voice when she comes home from kinder how concerned she is when she has seen another kid pushing someone else. I know myself that if she ever sees me upset she becomes so concerned that I end up concerned about her!!!!!!!!!!

When it comes to funny comments, Chloe is the queen. Her perspective of the world is so unique and strange and... hilarious! I laugh several times a day at the funny things that she has to say. Even her way of talking is funny... it goes something like "I wanted da milk over on dee table"... and has two pitches, very high and girly, or this funny little low voice. Some of my favourite quotes of hers - "does daddy miss your milks when he goes to uni?", "Dumma, are you old dumma?", "when joshie grows up will he drink from daddy's milks?" and "when I grow up I will marry Joshie". (And yes, she may have had a bit of a fascination with breastfeeding for a while)

Chloe is an extremely placid, easy going, sweet natured and well behaved girl. She has her moments (such as when a bit of her sandwich is cut crooked) but generally, a stern voice or 1/2min on time out will cure her... she did not inherit her mother's terrible stubborn streak! She loves cuddles and tickles, loves people and omg she LOVES to talk... she does NOT shut up!!! She also is little miss organised... tonight for example was a game in which her and Josh had to pack her kinder bag with all kinds of stuff, and then they had to drive to another point to pick up more things to put in her bag, and then another spot which was Josh's kinder apparently and so on.

She LOVES dancing, especially ballet. I have no idea what skills you'd expect in a child of her age, but as far as we are concerned (as extremely unbiased judges hehe) she has a gifting in dancing... she watches ballet on tv/computer intently and then copies - not perfectly, but it is amazing to watch a 3yr old's hand movements become softer to match what she is seeing! She is ridiculously flexible (as kids are) and so can do the splits with her legs in the air!! She also has a love of music - she sings a lot, and makes up her own songs... which are usually hilarious to listen to although you have to keep a straight face!

We are so incredibly blessed to have Chloe. She is my sweet little ray of sunshine who does not have a malicious bone in her body but is full of kindness, empathy, laughter and her own unique way of viewing the world. When I look back on my pregnancy with Chloe in which we nearly lost her so many times... it seems incredible that that tiny speck that was being threatened was the beautiful vivacious girl who now clings to me for cuddles!!!

And so, that is a tiny glimpse of my Chloe... I couldn't possibly capture the true essence of her unique and precious personality on here but I at least have given it a go!!!

The moments that define you (another "Christian" blog)

So here are a few things that have been on my mind lately, mostly have come up due to the book we are reading as a connect group (Strong women, soft hearts by Paula Rinehart... AWESOME book). It is nothing new or mindblowing but I just wanted to write about it because it helps me get my head around what I'm thinking about deep down.

There comes a point in your walk with God where you start to realise that not everything is going to work out in the exact way you would have liked. That some things are not going to be ok (at least, not in your eyes), and that God is not going to do things in your way, in your time. God is not tame; unlike some examples of imperfect parenting on earth, our Heavenly Father is not ruled by our every whim & desire. And there are moments that we can never understand what the reasons are, but we are asked to walk through some great pain that seems unnecessary and destructive and we can't understand how that could POSSIBLY be God's will!
Those moments define you.
It is in that moment that you have a choice to make... a choice to become bitter and cynical and harden your heart and promise yourself to never allow ANYONE to hurt you again, especially not God. Or you make the decision, no matter what happens, no matter what price I pay, no matter if things never are ok, I will not stop following you God. As the disciples said "where else would we go?"
The amazing thing I have found is that once you make the decision, yes - you still may walk through some great pain, yes things still may not work out how you wanted... but somehow within that decision comes a great peace - the peace that surpasses all understanding. How incredible that somehow, in the middle of something that we never wanted to see happen, we are granted a peace because of our trust in the faithful & loving character of our Father!!!!!!!
And that is all I have to say!!!!!!!!!!

I've been thinking over the last few weeks about friendships when you have children and how (in some cases) they can change. I don't know if there is a rule that I don't know of that when you get married and have children you are supposed to put every bit of your energy and attention into them and neglect yourself and your friendships... but it often feels like that is what is expected of me. I love my husband and my children... but funny enough I don't WANT to spend every waking minute of my life with them. Sometimes I want a break and I want to stop being a mum and a wife and just be me! And Steve is fantastic, he likes me to go out with my friends and be without him and the kids on a regular basis because I am then a more refreshed happy and focused mother and wife! But... I have noticed that a lot of friends seem to live with the assumption that I am too busy to hang out? Either that or it is the fact that I have limitations on my time (I have to be back within 4 hours for the next feed) and so I can't do "fun" things like be out partying all night... or worse... I don't actually have many people who WANT to hang out with me anyway... but I'd rather assume it is one of the first 2 options!!!!

Anyway, I've put together some rough stats on the last 5 months (since Sienna was born)... they are subjective in that it is based on MY memory and therefore they could be completely innaccurate... but they are at the very least a good guide to MY perception! (They do not include any family because they are considered by me to be a different category to friendship circles)

Number of friends to visit me in hospital after Sienna was born: 0
Number of friends to visit me at home in the 2 weeks following Sienna's birth: 7
Number of times I have been invited to events which include my husband and/or children: 10-20?
Number of times I have taken the initiative and done all the organising etc to try to catch up with others: approx 10-20?
Number of friends who have organised to catch up with JUST me (not my kids, or husband) for something that they had organised as a group thing: 1
Number of friends who have organised to catch up with JUST me, just because they want to see me or hang out: 1
Number of times friends have actually asked me HOW I am coping with it all? 1

Don't get me wrong, I am not sitting feeling all superior to anyone, and I am not trying to have a go at any one in particular... I know that I am a slack friend who can completely tune out of a conversation instead of listening, who can give REALLY bad advice instead of just listening to someone who wants a bit of empathy etc etc
I have just been thinking about it because I know how crap it can make me feel at times because I am not always feeling secure enough to just brush it all off! And given the numbers of women who suffer from Post-natal Depression I can't help wondering... are we as a community contributing to this by neglecting the social needs of mothers? When you consider that I have been completely open about the fact that with Joshua I had moderately severe post-natal depression... and yet only one person (other than family!) has ever taken the time to find out how I am going this time around... you have to wonder how many women are slipping through the cracks of our society?
I would consider myself someone who has quite a lot of people in her life... yet somehow I don't seem to make it onto a lot of radars... and I KNOW that there are so many women out there who are not anywhere near as immersed in a community... what happens to these women?
Anyway, please understand that I am not writing this to make anyone feel bad, I'm not trying to write this to be all about me... I just want people to stop and think and be aware of the fact that mums have not signed a slip saying "I no longer wish to connect meaningfully with others around me"... if you can remember this as different women around you are going through this stage of life, and try to remember to invite them out, and ask them how they are... maybe we'd have happier mums and therefore happier kids... and therefore a better society all round! Yeah, sometimes the answer will be "No, sorry, I just can't make it this time"... maybe even the answer will be no more times than yes... but at the very least you will be making another woman feel like she is still connected with the rest of her community!

Ps... just in case anyone is actually wondering... I DON'T have PND this time around. I am LOVING being a mum and I am coping really well!!

Little River Rocks

Ok, so it's my first day on here... I promise it's the only time I'll blog twice in one day!!! Also, this particular blog is all about my walk with God so if you find my belief in God offensive or something you are uncomfortable with then I would probably skip this one :)

If you visit my home you may have noticed that on our coffee table sits a tray with some stones in it that have been written on. There are only 5 of them, and it is an odd thing to have on display… I thought I would tell you about them so (although you may still think I’m weird) you at least understand my reasons for my strange collection.


Early last year I was reading a Christian parenting book and one of the suggestions it had was to do this very thing… (based on Joshua 4, you can read it for yourself if you’re interested) to write on stones major answers to prayer and times when God has really come through for your family so that it is there as a visible reminder of His presence in your life. Anyway, I wrote down the major events and put them in a vase and forgot about them until a few weeks ago when I stumbled upon them. With everything that is happening with our little Sienna at the moment I wanted to put them somewhere that I could see them every day and remember that God has protected my family before and can do so again!!

Anyway, I thought I would write out the stories behind the 5 stones for anyone who is interested, because each has been a significant time in the life of our family. We are praying and believing and trusting God that we will have a 6th stone to add to our collection soon… one that represents His protection and healing hand on Sienna’s eye!!!



1. Healed Bethany’s leg: Ok… so this was before I had even met Steve, but we still included it because it was such a significant thing in my life! I was born with congenital hip dysplasia… a condition in which my hip did not sit correctly in its socket. I had been seeing podiatrists since very young but all they were able to do was help treat some of the symptoms of my condition, they could not cure it. As a result, I walked noticeably demented, I was constantly twisting my ankle, struggled with sports and often suffered from sore muscles. My leg was so far turned in that I could turn it 180 degrees so that my heel was where my toes should be!! Anyway, when I was 18 I was at church one night and one of our pastors, Nancye Harkin, prayed for my legs. I would love to say that I was expecting God to heal me, but I wasn’t really… so when Sarah and Linda started to marvel I didn’t really think anything had happened. But despite my lack of faith God really had healed my legs and for the first time in my life I could stand and walk with straight legs!! The change in my legs has been checked by the podiatrist, she confirmed that there was a remarkable change in my gait etc… however, she felt that the instant transformation was that I had in that instant evolved… but I know the truth!!!!

2. Steve out of the navy: When Steve and I got married Steve was 2 ½ years into a 6 year navy term. The navy isn’t something you can just decide to quit, it is something that you have to stick to for that term!! Within 6 months of our marriage the navy lifestyle was taking its toll on our marriage. Steve was sent to sea within a month of me arriving in Sydney, we barely saw each other and when we did he was exhausted. The types of goings on that were happening on his ship were putting stress on him and stress on our marriage… the environment is not one that as a Christian you should be expected to work in… and although he was doing an amazing job, I knew that this life was not right for us, but I couldn’t see a way out.

One Sunday there was a guest speaker who spoke about being direct with God and just asking Him for what you want, not beating around the bush. So when I got home I wrote on a piece of paper that I wanted 1. Steve off the ship and 2. Steve out of the navy. Within 2 weeks Steve was off the ship and home with me. He already had arthritis but it had been manageable up until then… but the pain and weakness increased so much that he couldn’t do simple day to day tasks, let alone squat on a ship and fix the engine!! He was never sent to sea again, and within 18 months was given a medical discharge from the navy!!

3. Kept Chloe safe during pregnancy: The fact that I fell pregnant with Chloe in the first place is an amazing story,,, after 8 months of trying I had been diagnosed with PCOS and told I would not fall pregnant naturally. I was waiting for my period so that I could start my fertility treatment but never got it… I was pregnant!!! We were ecstatic and over the moon!! When I was about 2 months pregnant I went into hospital with bad cramping, convinced something was wrong… they sent me home saying it was normal. A few days later I started to bleed very heavily. Linda and Azz were staying in Sydney with us at the time and took me into hospital where I assumed they would treat my miscarriage. The bleeding was extremely heavy and I was soaking through a normal pad every 5-10 minutes… I had no hope, I was sure I had lost my baby. The staff at the hospital decided to do an ultrasound to make sure it wasn’t an ectopic pregnancy (which is life threatening)… and I’ll never forget the image,,, first time I had ever seen my baby and there she was, the size of a pea, with an intermittent heart beat… safe in her embryonic sac, but surrounded by blood… a pea next to an apple… it was amazing to see that she was surviving the chaos in there!! I was told to take it easy and have bed rest as much as possible to try to protect my little baby. I had 3 more severe bleeds that required hospitalisation over the next 2 months… each time my little one’s life was preserved! And now when I look at the strong little girl I have now I cannot believe that she was once that vulnerable little tadpole!!

4. Early discharge for Josh: Joshua was born when I was 34 weeks pregnant after a very sudden and quick labour. He was born unable to breathe without assistance as his lungs were too immature. For 48 hours I could not see or touch my little boy coz I may have had an infection, and for 36 of those hours he cried and grunted and struggled to breathe. Towards the end of those 36 hours the oxygen saturation levels for his humidicrib were at the highest level they could be… he was given 2 hours to improve before they were going to send him on to another hospital for more intense treatment… which would have made it even longer before I could see him. Just before his 2 hours were up he settled and started to breath better, so a transfer was avoided. We were told that it would be 3-4 weeks before he would be well enough to come home as it would take him time to learn to breath unaided, learn to attach and feed, and regain his birth weight. The nurses were astounded when he was discharged only 2 weeks later… he never had a moments problem with attachment and feeding, and he regained his weight rapidly!! There were quite a lot of comments from various nurses wanting to know what we had been secretly feeding him, but we know that it was because of the prayers from so many in our church that our little boy recovered so quickly!!

4. Sienna born full-term: After having Chloe and Joshua pre-term I was very nervous about the idea of having another baby… I spoke at length with the doctor before falling pregnant about my options… he said it was highly likely that I could not deliver a full-term baby but that that could be rectified by stitching my cervix. As the pregnancy proceeded I had extra scans and checks but at every point the cervix was fully closed and therefore no stitches were necessary. The last couple of months of the pregnancy were very stressful… I was expecting each day that my waters would break! Amazingly, my 3rd baby… was only 2 days early and a massive 3.83kg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am now officially a blogger?!!!

So I have been trying to think of a better way of keeping people up to date with what is happening in the Devenish world and I have decided to give blogging a go. Life is just getting busier and busier and I have been finding it hard to keep everyone informed... and Facebook is great, but I can only fit a couple of lines on a status update! (Plus not all of our family is on FB so I figured a blog site might be better?)

So, here it is!!!!

For my first blog I figured I would try to get everyone out there up-to-date with what has been happening so far this year!!!

So... starting with Stephen Royce... Steve is final year uni (podiatry) this year YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This semester consists of clinic at his uni campus and 2 online subjects... so he is out 3 evenings a week chopping people's nails and feet up hehehe. He doesn't get back till 10:30 Wed & Thurs but he is home every morning which is so so nice for the kids! He is still working with a young guy who was in a car accident on Saturdays fortnightly. We are really really looking forward to him graduating... at this stage we have made a connection with another podiatrist in the area who is planning on selling her business early next year... we are hoping things will work out there so that we can buy it and get right into it all!! Other than work and uni and looking after his family, Steve has been busy with his Hobie Cat (called Betsie after his beautiful wife hehe) and riding his mountain bike.

Me... being the stress junkie that I am I have enrolled in Psychology at Deakin, and am doing 1 unit this semester. It is certainly a new challenge to fit in my 2nd year subject (cognition) around all my other responsibilities, but a challenge that I am enjoying. I am hoping and dreaming and working towards working in Australia and internationally in the area of trauma... my particular interest is in potentially working with children who have experienced trauma through sexual assault, abuse and child prostitution... but I will see where God leads me as time goes by!

Chloe has started 3 yr old Kinder this year and LOVES it... she is so excited Thurs and Fri mornings, and quite put out on the days I tell her it is NOT a kinder day. She is a little ray of sunshine... bubbly, sweet and empathetic... and she says the FUNNIEST things!!

Joshua is growing up so quickly. His speech has come a long way in the last 2 months, and it is great to hear him talking! He mostly talks about the important things - "Roary the racing car", Gaffer's (my dad) car, Grandma's car, mummy's car, daddy's car, Grandpa (Steve's dad) plane and Bob the builder.

Sienna is 5 months old now and an adorable little sweetheart. When she smiles she puts everything into it and can light up a room!! She loves high pitched squealing and blowing raspberries. She has what is believed to be a (benign) dermoid tumour in her eye and is booked into Royal Children's Hospital for an MRI 21st April. The follow up specialist appointment will be 11th May... this is where we will find out how deep the growth is, and what the options are in terms of surgery. There are risks for her sight whether we proceed or not with surgery so we ask for your prayers!!!

And I think that is probably enough for a first blog... hope it has caught everyone up with what is happening, and as Roger Ramjet's song says "for (his) adventures just be sure to stay tuned to this station!"