Between that vomit, my head cold and migraine, and Steve beginning his day at 5am we haven't had the best nights sleep.
Other than a vaguely mumbled thank you for cleaning up the vomit, and a quick kiss & "your breakfast is just next to you" as he flew out the door for his 14hr work day I have not seen my husband today, and will probably only see him briefly tonight before we head back to bed as we both have hectic days.
And while it isn't ideal, I love that this year our anniversary is not glamorous. This year it is not even romantic. It is filled with the working out of our vows to each other 9 years ago.
For better for worse
We didn't picture monotonous busy non-glamorous days like this when we made this promise to each other. We pictured day after day of Brady bunch like happiness. Endless summers. No fighting, no fatigue, no stresses, no life problems... Just perfection encapsulated in a marriage. We didn't picture the chaotic busy days, dealing with fighting overtired children, days or weeks where it feels like you are just vaguely passing each other's paths because you have too much on, days when every little thing they say just irritates the hell out of you! We didn't know that a few "better" days would make persisting through the "worse" days so very worth it. That there would be days when you cannot imagine being happier or more fulfilled regardless of the fact that the house is a chaotic mess, the kids are fighting and you have toddler snot on the knees of your jeans.
Through sickness and in health.
We didn't picture when we promised this that it would mean sleepless nights taking care of sick children. We didn't picture clean ups. Didn't have any idea in the world how close to insanity you can become when you are sleep deprived night after night with children who aren't sleeping, didn't know how hard a battle it would be to fight for your marriage when you are so tired you are ready to kill at the slightest provocation. Didn't picture the anxious waits for test results, the comfort of a warm body next to you when you're lying there unable to sleep because you are scared, the strength you can find facing health scares when you know that you're not alone in this.
For richer for poorer.
We didn't picture poorer when we promised this. We still thought we were above things like money and finances, that the world was at our feet. We didn't picture 7am-9pm work days leading up to Christmas to hopefully, hopefully, just cover the days off over the holidays. Didn't picture the years we would buy pathetic cheap presents for each other. Didn't picture the intense stress of some unexpected expenses that throw your budget into chaos. We didn't picture having to say no to children, the worry that maybe we have let them down. We didn't realise either just how rich we would be regardless of what material assets we ever own, that we would so easily sacrifice for each other and our children, that our family culture would be more important to us than money ever could be.
Till death do us part.
We didn't know when we promised this how close we would come to breaking this one. How close we would come so many times. Didn't realise how hard marriage was going to be, how you can love someone so much that when they hurt you you can end up so angry that you hate them to the same level that you loved them. Didn't realise how hard the journey ahead of us would be, didn't realise how tough the fight for marriage would be, didn't realise just how much we would have to lay down for the sake of a marriage. We didn't realise how hard forgiveness really is. How hard it is to wipe the record and allow someone to change and grow. How hard it is to let go of your hurts and heal. Marriage has cost me everything... All my pride, all my dignity, all my strength, all my willpower, all my forgiveness, all my humility... But I have gained EVERYTHING. After years of fighting for a marriage that we weren't sure was worth saving, this year was not a fight, not a struggle... It was... Beautiful. And I have enjoyed every minute of it. I get to do life with my best friend. He knows everything about me and still loves me. He gets me. He listens to me. He encourages me and wants what is best for me. He lays down his life for me, from being there when things go bad, to cleaning up our child's vomit in the early hours of the morning, to giving me a neck massage whenever I have a migraine, to giving me breakfast in bed every morning, to choosing each day to not go back down the path of addiction he once travelled... he lays down his life for me.
And so... While today is far from glamorous... Today I celebrate the monotony and challenges of marriage, and the man by my side who continues to choose to honour his promises to me 9 years ago.
I love you Stephen xx
