what I wish they'd told me

A few months ago I watched a video full of advice parents wish someone had given them, and I LOVED it and thought I'd copy... only no video, I'm not that tech-savvy. So based purely on my 4 years experience so far... this is what I'd tell parents-to-be...

1. when you are pregnant and reading all those pregnancy and childbirth books - it's also a good idea to read a book about how to look after a baby - especially reading up on the section about sleeping!!!!!
2. sleep deprivation has been used as a torture technique, so when you start to feel like you are losing it - you probably are!! BUT... when you feel like you really can't do another day, you'll still somehow find the strength within yourself for get through another 5 minutes, followed by another 5 min and so on... until you have made it through another day.
3. one day, your darling big eyed little angel will vomit all over themselves, and you, and their bed, and the floor... and they will be frightened, crying, and hot to touch with bright flushed cheeks and seem so vulnerable that somehow despite how gross the experience is, you will fall even deeper in love with them. Sounds ridiculous, but it really is true!!!
4. The sound of your child(ren) laughing will instantly brighten your day, no matter how hard it has been.
5. All your ideas about parenting ie "I will NEVER..." "MY children won't..." "I plan to continue..." "the baby won't change things too much" "I would NEVER feed my child..." will probably be thrown out the window pretty quickly. But it doesn't make you a failure... just shows that you've learned to respect your child's individual personality and needs and put them first rather than a heap of vague concepts you'd formed based on keeping up appearances.
6. Some days you will fail. Badly. And hate yourself for it. And be convinced that you have injured their emotional wellbeing for life. And carry that guilt for a ridiculous amount of time. It comes with the territory. But the good news is that if we can learn to admit our faults to our children and apologise... then we take the pressure off them to live up to some unattainable level of perfection.
7. Some days you will wonder why you had them. But most of the time you will wonder how you ever existed without them!!
8. Watching a child sleep is one of the most miraculous and beautiful things you could ever see.
9. It doesn't matter how you give birth as long as your child arrives safely. Don't allow feelings of guilt and inadequacy to rob you of the joy that you have brought an incredible little being into this world.
10. People will all tell you a different way that is the "only" right way of doing something. Doesn't mean you have to do it their way, every parent becomes an expert with their own children and can lose sight of the fact that your child is not the same as their child!!
11. On a really bad day, it is ok to stay in your pjs, or give them 2 baths instead of 1, and give them baked beans on toast, or even takeaway if u need, and play reruns of Dora all day... some days you just have to do what you can to get through that day.
12. As a parent, you will be judged. It isn't right that it happens, but it does. And those that are judging will decide that you don't measure up. They are not right, they just like to think they could do better!
13. Your marriage will change. Not in a bad way, just in a different way.
14. When they are throwing a tantrum, blow in their face and they take a breathe. They don't really like it but your ears get a 2 second break and it looks funny.
15. You think you know what love feels like - but when you have a child you realise you never truly knew what love is. Your heart will ache and bleed and swell over them every day, you will stay up worrying about things they haven't even THOUGHT to worry about, you will be ready to rip a child into pieces because they have bullied yours, you will feel intense nostalgia and grief on each birthday, start of the school year, each sighting of a newborn baby etc etc because you can't go back and see them at that stage one last time, you will lie awake worrying about their future, NOBODY will be good enough for your child, you will cry because loving them feels so good and you will cry because loving them and learning to release them bit by bit hurts.
16. There will be so many moments where you doubt yourself and your strength and your abilities, but your child has a way of bringing out the best in you, and you will surprise yourself. You will become 100 times the woman you would have been without them.
17. One of the greatest joys of parenthood is the permission to be crazy. Sing kids songs at the top of your voice doing silly actions. Dance in the rain and jump in puddles. Have tickle fights. Have a food fight. Sing opera at them. Just HAVE FUN coz you won't get another chance till you're old enough to fake dementia!!!
18. When you are offered help, TAKE IT!!!! Yes, your pride is hard to swallow... but remember that you are teaching your children that it's ok to need help, and by you accepting that help - you will be mroe refreshed or reenergised or have that little bit more time to be a better parent anyway!!
19. PND is real. And often you will struggle to admit to yourself that maybe something is wrong because it goes against what you WANTED. And if you have PND, it becomes even harder to admit you need help because you KNOW you are not coping and you don't want people to see you as weak. Having PND does not mean you are a failure, nor does it mean you don't love your kids enough, or that you are not strong enough. It is simply something that is beyond your control, that you didn't plan or create - but with the right help and support, you will find you are strong enough to come through it!!!!!
20. If you can't find your hairbrush check in the watering can. If you can't find your car keys check in the kid's kitchen. ALWAYS check your cards are still in your purse before leaving the house and trying to pay for something - if they are missing check the cushions of the couch in case the kids have posted them down there.
21. Get used to sitting in the doctor's waiting room and the emergency waiting room. Always aim for the doctors first because their wait is shorter.
22. Get your heart checked thoroughly BEFORE kids, because there will be many heart-stopping moments because they are not born with common sense (I think that may kick in in their 20s??)
23. Get ready to be amazed!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I could have kept writing, but they are probably my main ones!!!!